English Pandit

A daily newspaper is a routine in most people's life. For it spreads the world news in a handful of sheets. Though there are digital platforms to access live events across the globe, the satisfaction of reading it on physical paper is irrefutable. Newspapers are conventional across regions, states & countries; they do bear a secondary responsibility of keeping the vernacular alive. For sellers, it's a source of income; for buyers, it's a treasure of information & knowledge. During the week with a busy schedule, one may find it hard to make time to read from end to end. It's a compromise to read the highlights, an exciting murder story, a scam, etc.

Sunday is the only day when one can afford to wake up late, sip a hot beverage & read Sunday Herald at leisure. It's a gift to oneself to afford a peaceful read. To enjoy the fun-filled stories, fill in the crosswords, jumble & mind-probing numeric puzzles. Also, to skim through the weekly predictions for sun signs. Not that one can do much about the predictions or the advice. It's also the day when almost all offices are closed unless it is a production go-live weekend. Almost everyone gets to take off, starting from alarms, maids, offices, etc. Sunday is undeniably the most relaxed day of the week. Unless one wakes up to a day of a power cut.

Kanika kicked herself for not paying attention to the power cut notice on Saturday's newspaper. She had invited a few friends from the new workplace for a Sunday lunch. She checked the clock & realised that she was running behind on her cooking schedule. She hurried with the rest of the prep work while silently prayed to BESCOM to restore the power supply. As soon as power was back, she held down the mixie jar & pounded roasted spices into a perfect blend. She was multitasking in the busy kitchen when Aditya arrived. As it was a hot day & a sumptuous meal was cooking, Aditya offered to prepare lemonade. One after another, the rest of them trickled in. All helped in cooking & caught up on the stress of the upcoming appraisal. Eventually, Kanika put the topic to rest, reasoning not to ruin a Sunday as it could wait until Monday's office hours.

While Kanika checked on the ghee-laden pumpkin halwa, her friends rearranged the furniture in the hall for the meal. When she came to the large hall to check on everyone, Aditya enquired, "What books are these?" She replied, "Kannada novels." He pondered & asked, "Who reads Kannada novels?" She responded with a smile, "Kannada is my mother tongue. I was a Kannada topper in school & good in college. After joining professional courses & work, I lost touch with the language. Years later, I couldn't read a Kannada hoarding. I was upset about it. So, I started to read Kannada novels to maintain fluency." Senthil remarked, "My parents are from Ooty & my mother tongue is Badaga. It is a mixture of Tamil & Kannada. Not many people know about it. A few years ago, a newspaper reported it as one of the dying languages in the country. Good, you are keeping yours alive." Kanika smiled & walked back to the kitchen.

As the cooking came to an end, everyone settled on the cool floor & picked on office gossip. They consumed food through their noses & sipped lemonade to build an appetite. It was way past lunchtime & there wasn't any more lemonade left. Ultimately, Pallavi said, "I'm tired of waiting for our late Latif. I'm starving & the aroma of food is only making it worse. Before I get cranky with hunger, can we start with lunch?" Everyone seemed to been waiting for it. No sooner did they settle down with food than the doorbell rang. Kanika answered the door with anger & ready to give an earful, but kept mum. Amar was on the phone & talking in gibberish. He came in & settled with the gang. No one had the energy or will to yell at him.

Once food reached the stomach, the chatter was back on. Kanika asked Amar, "What language were you speaking? I thought I heard a few Telugu words, then totally lost it. Also, to whom?" Amar swallowed ghee rice & replied, "That's Telgish, Telugu + English. I was speaking to my mother." Kanika sipped some water & questioned, "What? Telgish at home too?" He coolly responded, "Yeah, my Telugu isn't good. I can speak English & Hindi fluently, as I learned the languages as part of the school curriculum." Kanika nodded & only said, "Interesting." Aditya mentioned, "Dude, I can understand that you are a pro in English. Do be mindful in your mails & calls. Sometimes, I need a dictionary to understand the fancy words you use." Amar returned an awkward smile, Kanika's eyes popped & the rest of them nodded in agreement.

Hunger followed by heavy lunch is like rolling the red carpet for a good nap. A couple of them were almost nodding off. Kanika announced, "No sleeping, we still got dessert." She heard a collective groan. She switched on the TV & searched for a generic program to keep the crowd awake. It ended being a Bollywood talk show. Amar remarked, "Did you guys know this heroine acted in a Hindi movie, but she doesn't know Hindi?" Kanika replied, "Oh come on, she is from another country. What do you expect?" Amar continued, "Yeah, but she acted in a full-length movie." Kanika countered, "Look at her! She wasn't cast to speak Hindi. The director did not have a problem, so what's yours?" Amar spoke in a condescending tone, "It's Hindi! How can she not know Hindi?" The debate had woken up the crowd. Kanika said in an irritated tone, "You don't even know your mother tongue. What are you complaining about her? Hindi is a foreign language to her; why should she know it? I'm sure she knows to speak, read & write in her mother tongue." For once, the English pro was at a loss for words. To break the awkward silence, Ranjini announced, "Let's have dessert."

As they all ate hot pumpkin halwa, Aneesh flipped through the channels & asked, "Why have you subscribed to several regional language channels?" Kanika replied, "I watch movies across languages." Ranjini asked, "What? From where & how did you pick so many languages?" Kanika replied, "I picked them from friends, neighbours, colleagues, for love of heroes & movies." Priya joined the investigation group, "What's the first thing you learn in a language?" Kanika responded, "The cuss words." Priya inquired, "Why the cuss words?" Kanika replied with a wink, "So that I know it when someone uses at me. Also, to use if & when necessary." A collective laugh erupted & they continued to dive into dessert.

Amar curiously asked, "So how many languages do you know?" Kanika proudly replied, "Five Indian & one foreign language." Amar was impressed & remarked, "You are a polyglot!" Kanika swallowed halwa & nodded a yes with a smile. Aditya questioned Amar, "Mr. English Pandit, what's a polyglot? Do enlighten us." Amar responded, "Someone who knows & can use several languages." Senthil turned his attention to Kanika & asked, "So what Indian languages do you know?" She replied, "All four South Indian languages & Hindi." Amar curiously asked, "What's the foreign language? French or German?" With a mischievous smile, she uttered, "English."

Take Away: Isn't it obvious?