Logic vs Feelings

Samira was in discussion with her team lead & manager for almost an hour. No matter how much she tried to explain her situation, both men had precisely the opposite thing to say. The more they tried to reason, the more agitated she was. The freshly recycled chilled air had no impact on her heated head. Eventually, the discussion came to an end & she walked out of the room with sheer anger & frustration. The throbbing vein on her forehead was evidence of her emotions running high. She felt that her head would explode anytime. She checked her phone & saw the message of her friends waiting for coffee on the lawn. She swiped her access card & rode the elevator to the ground floor. As she reached them, Anvitha extended a hot cup of coffee. Anvitha had missed Samira's throbbing vein & casually inquired, "How did it go?"

After sipping some hot coffee & a few futile attempts to cool her mind, Samira started to speak. She was aware of the process of not revealing the contents of the discussion, yet she ached to express her feelings. She could only say, "I told them how left out I felt in my situation. How much I had to sacrifice & compromise on the personal front. How much I have done for the project. No one cares, appreciates, or for that matter acknowledges my work." The gang of girls empathised with Samira's concern & nodded to everything she said. Kanika unknowingly interrupted & stated, "Oh, you brought emotions to the table." All heads turned towards Kanika & Samira launched the deadliest stare. Samira almost barked, "The manager exactly said the same!" She continued, "Men cannot understand when a woman speaks. They bring logic into the picture. How can you say that too?"

Kanika swallowed hard; she thought, "Oh boy! What have I done?" An awkward silence prevailed & everyone waited for her to speak. Kanika had dug her own grave. She carefully replied, "When you go for a discussion, instead of using words such as felt, caring, sacrifice & compromise present the facts & figures. For instance, you could rephrase your concerns. You were not supported by the team when you were in a difficult situation. You spent 20hours over a weekend for work. Yet your efforts went unnoticed."

Samira wanted to argue, but she had no energy left & her head was splitting. She only nodded, sipped hot coffee & mulled over what was said. No sooner did Kanika relax that she had gotten away than Anvitha pounced. Anvitha stated, "Agreed with your points at work. What about at home?" Kanika was caught off-guard. She wondered how to get away with a "Logic at home situation." Anvitha added, "At the workplace, they bring up this statement of don't bring emotions to the table. I can take it to some extent. But my husband brings it up at home too. What's that supposed to mean?"

Kanika did not want to venture into domestic matters. She smartly replied, "Wheel to a supercomputer is built based on logic & not emotions. Logic is predictable & works on a set of rules & guidelines. Emotions are interlinked, sometimes unpredictable & can flare in a crisis. Imagine gadgets & appliances throwing tantrums & fit, as they are moody." Anvitha was furious, "What's this wheels & supercomputers example? Your comparing gadgets & appliances to our feelings?" Kanika scratched her head & replied, "No, no. I meant, a situation dealt logically will have a predictable outcome."

Bhavana came to Kanika's rescue & shared her weekend experience. She said, "Sunday is my day of a break when I keep the cooking simple & minimal. I woke up late & cooked upma. My husband ate a little of upma & declared it would have tasted even better with some Kesari bath." She paused to sip hot tea & everyone waited to listen to what happened next. Bhavana continued, "I told him, Oh yeah. All the ingredients are in the kitchen cupboard. Would you please cook & serve me some? Also, do ensure the kitchen counter & sink are in the same state as before & after cooking." Anvitha curiously asked, "Then what happened?" Bhavana responded, "He quietly ate breakfast, washed his plate & placed the plate onto drier."

Everyone had a hearty laugh. Anvitha's eyebrows knotted & it was apparent that she contemplated whether to say it out or not. Kanika encouraged her & said, "Walk me through the situation. Let me take a stab at it." Anvitha smiled awkwardly & shared an incident. After a long & hectic week at the office, the weekend was consumed by deep cleaning the home. She was dead tired, but there was no sight of chores ending. Her husband was busy with office work. He was well aware of the happenings. Yet, he had suggested inviting his parents over for Sunday dinner. Anvitha explained what a simple suggestion had evolved into an avalanche of an ugly & heated argument. Later, how furious & upset she was with the whole ordeal.

Kanika said the logical approach would be to state, "Wow! That's an excellent suggestion. It's been a while since your parents came over. So, what are you cooking? Do check the ingredients & buy whatever is required." Anvitha's eye's narrowed & thought about it. She stated, "He will complain; I cannot cook. You have to cook." Kanika smiled & said, then you can reply, "Come on, it's your suggestion, you are inviting your parents. So, you should do it." Anvitha instantly said, "There may be repercussions." Kanika quickly questioned, "So your approach had none?"

Bhavana & Kanika exchanged mischievous smiles & nodded at each other. Anvitha then said, "Oh, you both will say this as you are seniors. You have enough experience dealing with several leads & managers. What will we do?" Kanika laughed & said, "Oh please, don't throw this seniority clause at us. Either you deal with your issues logically or bring out your emotions & remain frustrated. Logic may not resolve all personal or professional problems. But it's better to have emotions at check & deal logically."

Anvitha said, "Women are emotional; how can we think logically?" Bhavana had a hearty laugh, and Kanika almost teared up with laughter. Bhavana calmed down & stated, "You think & build code based on logic. Logic is your bread & butter, so don't you say you can't apply it when & where required."

Take Away:

• Respond (logically) & not react (emotionally).

• Men often say, "Don't bring emotion to the table." However, when women question based on logic, the fun begins. The kick is in beating someone in their territory; it is priceless.